Thursday, August 9, 2012
Target and a Retired Husband
A friend sent me this, I thought I would pass it along...FYI-PG
"After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target: Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' 15. October 26: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 30: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. "
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Logan's Run
"It's my job to kill you."
The first time I saw boobs on the big screen was when I went to see Logan's Run with my dad. That was Farah Fawcett's first gig after the 70's hit show Charlies Angels. I was a typical teen very interested in viewing her jigglies! Just being real here.
If you haven't seen it, don't fret, you didn't miss much. The premise is that the current government of the time legislated that when you turned the ripe age of 30 you were terminated. The main character believes he still has plenty of life left, so he runs.
This country is sitting on the pinnacle of stepping over on the slippery slope of legislation. When governments step in and legislate that Chick-Fil-A can't be built in their town because of a belief in traditional marriage and being closed on Sunday's whose to say Logan's Run isn't too far behind? When this movie came out, gay only had one meaning-Like the Flintstones theme song "we'll have a gay old time, Wilma". Times are changing. It's a catch 22- You either believe in the Bible and in what Kirk Cameron stated he thought that to be" unnatural" or, Darwin's Natural Selection theory, in which case humanity would cease to exist in around 100 years. So the default selection would be considered a lifestyle choice. A lot of religious groups get there panties in a wad over this, yet true religion is loving others as yourselves and helping widows and those less fortunate. When you know the right thing to do and don't do it to you it is sin... James also says "When you withhold good from those whom it is due- to you it's a sin. I'd like to see more honey, less vinegar.
Sin is an olde English term for missing the mark or bulls eye. The Biblical term would be settling for less than God's best-missing the mark set by Jesus in word, thought, or deed. The Bible tells us that we all sin-multiple times a day; it's important to keep in mind that in God's eyes sin is sin is sin, and there is only one way out. The 10 Commandments have/are being removed from public places. This country was based on the belief in God. Says right on out legal tender-In God We Trust. When a country is based on a few absolutes, then laws are set based on those. When you get rid of absolutes, then the end can justify the means. Ethics becomes a variable, and sin becomes a discount. Tamper with adultery-defined as any sexual relationship outside of marriage, then hey, let's redefine marriage Tamper with killing and eventually it cost the taxpayer too much to keep you alive so 30? C-ya.
The first time I saw boobs on the big screen was when I went to see Logan's Run with my dad. That was Farah Fawcett's first gig after the 70's hit show Charlies Angels. I was a typical teen very interested in viewing her jigglies! Just being real here.
If you haven't seen it, don't fret, you didn't miss much. The premise is that the current government of the time legislated that when you turned the ripe age of 30 you were terminated. The main character believes he still has plenty of life left, so he runs.
This country is sitting on the pinnacle of stepping over on the slippery slope of legislation. When governments step in and legislate that Chick-Fil-A can't be built in their town because of a belief in traditional marriage and being closed on Sunday's whose to say Logan's Run isn't too far behind? When this movie came out, gay only had one meaning-Like the Flintstones theme song "we'll have a gay old time, Wilma". Times are changing. It's a catch 22- You either believe in the Bible and in what Kirk Cameron stated he thought that to be" unnatural" or, Darwin's Natural Selection theory, in which case humanity would cease to exist in around 100 years. So the default selection would be considered a lifestyle choice. A lot of religious groups get there panties in a wad over this, yet true religion is loving others as yourselves and helping widows and those less fortunate. When you know the right thing to do and don't do it to you it is sin... James also says "When you withhold good from those whom it is due- to you it's a sin. I'd like to see more honey, less vinegar.
Sin is an olde English term for missing the mark or bulls eye. The Biblical term would be settling for less than God's best-missing the mark set by Jesus in word, thought, or deed. The Bible tells us that we all sin-multiple times a day; it's important to keep in mind that in God's eyes sin is sin is sin, and there is only one way out. The 10 Commandments have/are being removed from public places. This country was based on the belief in God. Says right on out legal tender-In God We Trust. When a country is based on a few absolutes, then laws are set based on those. When you get rid of absolutes, then the end can justify the means. Ethics becomes a variable, and sin becomes a discount. Tamper with adultery-defined as any sexual relationship outside of marriage, then hey, let's redefine marriage Tamper with killing and eventually it cost the taxpayer too much to keep you alive so 30? C-ya.
First Class Tcket
The outspoken half of Penn and Teller who just happens to be an atheist once said
"I’ve always said that I don’t respect people who don’t proselytize. I don’t respect that at all. If you believe that there is a heaven and hell and that people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life or whatever, and you think that, well, it’s not really worth telling them this because it would make it socially awkward...How much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How much do you have to hate somebody to believe that everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?
I mean if I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that a truck was coming at you and you didn’t believe it, but that truck was bearing down on you, there’s a certain point where I tackle you. And this is more important than that."
It comes down to more than just belief though. I can believe all I want that there is a flight from San Diego to Atlanta, but unless get the ticket and get on the flight, I'm going to miss it. Even if I initially buy the ticket...it's in my hand, I still have to get on board.
A couple blogs ago I talked about a Party being planned for those who put their trust and hope in Jesus. I have to tell you, the religious groups of the day hated Jesus; in three years while he was walking the earth 2000 years ago, he turned religion upside down. He was the life of the party, was accused of being a drunk and glutton because those were the groups he hung with. He was inviting everyone he met, giving out tickets like they were candy, but just like today many accepted were planning on getting on board but missed the flight. Jesus was continually bashing the religious because the put on a good show on the outside, but were evil on the inside and refused to RSVP. They had all the knowledge in the world about God and his laws hated him; something had to be done.
So they set him up in Pilate's court with false accusations, and had him killed. But that's not the end of the story....Easter. Can't keep a good man down! Everyone has an invite to the party, it's up to you to RSVP; it's a First Class ticket!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Numbers and Budgets
3.82, 3.67, 729, 5.49, 112, 614, 2500, 25, 1000, 2350, 2400
What's in a number and what do those have to do with budgeting? I read that a typical household can cut over $1000 a month just by recording on a spreadsheet every penny spent per day for a month and cutting out the non-essentials.
Long ago, I realized that much of my business is done at the local coffee house, I personally frequent our local Starbucks just down the street. They have a rewards card that gives free drinks after a certain number of swipes, and I get one every couple weeks; I never seem to get them as my kids get the mail first. Now before I hear the "Wow, that's a lot of money you spend there." The reward I signed up for is free refills. I get a "Tall in a Vente" cup on Monday and pay $1.55. Free refills are good for 24 hrs, so as long as I swipe the card a couple minutes earlier than the previous day, I get it filled (to the Vente level, room for cream) for, you guessed it....free, additionally each swipe is considered a purchase, so when my kid goes to cash in a free drink card, he gets a $7 foofoo drink. They LOSE money on me!
$3.82 is the average patron's cost per drink; 3.67 is the average times per week at a given Starbucks. costing on average, $729 annually. Starbucks views each customer as a $750 value asset! Fast food stats are similar, with the average customer visiting 112 times and spending on average $5.49 or $614 a year. The Auto Club AAA reports the average driver if combining trips could save around 2500 miles a year and at 20mpg would save $1000 ($4 gallon) when you add in actual cost of a car of .30-.52 cents per mile, it can easily cost well over. Those couple things add up to over $2350.
A vice of sorts? Anyone drink bottled water, typically cost more than gas? Can of Coke, can of beer, glass of wine..guilty as charged. there's a $100 While a pack of cigarettes is only around $5 here in CA, I was stunned to find out a pack is almost $12 in NY. 20 years of that, is a paid off house in rural America Cable/Internet/magazine or paper subscriptions, easily another $100. Fixed income? Do you really need to live in one of the most expensive cities if housing is half the cost just 50 miles away?
If you meet certain criteria; heart beat, over 100lbs etc, you can donate blood/plasma at the local blood bank and make $200 a month or $2400 a year. Need a quick $100? Have a yard sale, someone will pay for that 70's shag wig,, stuffed animal or crock pot rarely used. If you didn't use it last month, most likely you don't need it..unless seasonal. What you don't use you don't miss. Anyway you get the idea; many ways to save/create extra income.
Q- How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A-One-but it has to want to change
"That guy- you either know him or you are him" new series at the church I attend, this week we covered a couple points that you give people what they need not what they want and yes, they may use anger or guilt to manipulate so you keep enabling them, and sometimes unknowingly disabling God by coming to their rescue. Don't work harder on someone else's problems than they are willing to do themselves; So stay out of God's way and stop rescuing people from their consequences and bad choices or you'll help prolong the enabling codependent symptoms...Galatians 6:7 "People reap what they sew. Don't mock God cause you continue to mess up."
Remember the story of a butterfly we all learned in Kindergarten-We may want to intervene and help a butterfly out of the cocoon, and while helping it gives it an initial ease to life, it dies quickly since it was not able to endure the struggle to escape the hardship of the cocoon; the wings never get to develop, it can't escape it birthplace and it eventually succumbs.
What's in a number and what do those have to do with budgeting? I read that a typical household can cut over $1000 a month just by recording on a spreadsheet every penny spent per day for a month and cutting out the non-essentials.
Long ago, I realized that much of my business is done at the local coffee house, I personally frequent our local Starbucks just down the street. They have a rewards card that gives free drinks after a certain number of swipes, and I get one every couple weeks; I never seem to get them as my kids get the mail first. Now before I hear the "Wow, that's a lot of money you spend there." The reward I signed up for is free refills. I get a "Tall in a Vente" cup on Monday and pay $1.55. Free refills are good for 24 hrs, so as long as I swipe the card a couple minutes earlier than the previous day, I get it filled (to the Vente level, room for cream) for, you guessed it....free, additionally each swipe is considered a purchase, so when my kid goes to cash in a free drink card, he gets a $7 foofoo drink. They LOSE money on me!
$3.82 is the average patron's cost per drink; 3.67 is the average times per week at a given Starbucks. costing on average, $729 annually. Starbucks views each customer as a $750 value asset! Fast food stats are similar, with the average customer visiting 112 times and spending on average $5.49 or $614 a year. The Auto Club AAA reports the average driver if combining trips could save around 2500 miles a year and at 20mpg would save $1000 ($4 gallon) when you add in actual cost of a car of .30-.52 cents per mile, it can easily cost well over. Those couple things add up to over $2350.
A vice of sorts? Anyone drink bottled water, typically cost more than gas? Can of Coke, can of beer, glass of wine..guilty as charged. there's a $100 While a pack of cigarettes is only around $5 here in CA, I was stunned to find out a pack is almost $12 in NY. 20 years of that, is a paid off house in rural America Cable/Internet/magazine or paper subscriptions, easily another $100. Fixed income? Do you really need to live in one of the most expensive cities if housing is half the cost just 50 miles away?
If you meet certain criteria; heart beat, over 100lbs etc, you can donate blood/plasma at the local blood bank and make $200 a month or $2400 a year. Need a quick $100? Have a yard sale, someone will pay for that 70's shag wig,, stuffed animal or crock pot rarely used. If you didn't use it last month, most likely you don't need it..unless seasonal. What you don't use you don't miss. Anyway you get the idea; many ways to save/create extra income.
Q- How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A-One-but it has to want to change
"That guy- you either know him or you are him" new series at the church I attend, this week we covered a couple points that you give people what they need not what they want and yes, they may use anger or guilt to manipulate so you keep enabling them, and sometimes unknowingly disabling God by coming to their rescue. Don't work harder on someone else's problems than they are willing to do themselves; So stay out of God's way and stop rescuing people from their consequences and bad choices or you'll help prolong the enabling codependent symptoms...Galatians 6:7 "People reap what they sew. Don't mock God cause you continue to mess up."
Remember the story of a butterfly we all learned in Kindergarten-We may want to intervene and help a butterfly out of the cocoon, and while helping it gives it an initial ease to life, it dies quickly since it was not able to endure the struggle to escape the hardship of the cocoon; the wings never get to develop, it can't escape it birthplace and it eventually succumbs.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Party
"You've got to fight, for your right, to parrrrrrrty." Beastie Boys one hit wonder.
Think of the most fun party you have ever been to or been a part of.......OK that's enough time. Pretty fun right? We are told that heaven is going to be like that; times infinity! A never ending party; the best food and wine, friends, family, and famous folks you only read or heard about. As James Grogan says "Baptists will be at there own table with juice boxes and mac-n-cheese." wearing there big boy pants no doubt. An eternity to party on dude. Jesus the host, throwing it for us, because we fought for the right to party! Everyone is invited, several RSVP, even then, some who accepted the invite ultimately allow excuses to get in the way and don't show. Most, however, decline the invite altogether.
Our fight is not of flesh and blood but spiritual. Working at Trader Joe's, I constantly have eye candy dangling before eyes. It's a fight to put on the blinders, nine out of ten times I ....fail. Thank God it's by grace through faith, not of doing good deeds or keeping a clean slate, or one would be able to boast and think they made it to the party of their own doing. Nope, it's all about accepting the invite, and fighting to follow through and showing up at the party.
Think of the most fun party you have ever been to or been a part of.......OK that's enough time. Pretty fun right? We are told that heaven is going to be like that; times infinity! A never ending party; the best food and wine, friends, family, and famous folks you only read or heard about. As James Grogan says "Baptists will be at there own table with juice boxes and mac-n-cheese." wearing there big boy pants no doubt. An eternity to party on dude. Jesus the host, throwing it for us, because we fought for the right to party! Everyone is invited, several RSVP, even then, some who accepted the invite ultimately allow excuses to get in the way and don't show. Most, however, decline the invite altogether.
Our fight is not of flesh and blood but spiritual. Working at Trader Joe's, I constantly have eye candy dangling before eyes. It's a fight to put on the blinders, nine out of ten times I ....fail. Thank God it's by grace through faith, not of doing good deeds or keeping a clean slate, or one would be able to boast and think they made it to the party of their own doing. Nope, it's all about accepting the invite, and fighting to follow through and showing up at the party.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
All Things to All Men
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Four Gospels, four completely different takes and perspectives on the life Jesus led over 2000 years ago. The gospel called for multiple approaches by multiple writers, each presenting the message of Christ to a different audience. Not to be overly simplistic, but Matthew was written for the Jews, Mark for CNN Headline news folk. Luke was the careful historian writing for the non-Jewish skeptics; John wrote for the aesthetic and philosophical. The point is simple, but profound. The message is unchanging, but the method of communicating that gospel must change according to the language, culture, and background of the audience.
There are four in our family; well, seven if you count Rocky, Mittens, and Coba. But here's the thing, each of us have a different take on the same event. If we all went to the same party, I would be hanging with the wine and foodies, the kids with their peers at the pool and Playstation. Janet would be making a mental note of everything and everyone.
With Jesus as our example how did he meet and greet?
When he encountered the woman at the well, he began his conversation with the topic of water. When he encountered the fisherman Peter, his starting point was fishing. When the tax collector invited Jesus to his house, the issue of money opened the dialogue. Jesus clearly developed his presentation of God’s saving message in light of the context and background of his listeners. The apostle Paul shared Christ’s commitment to this approach, writing that he became “all things to all men so that by all possible means some may be saved” (1 Cor. 9:22) Coincidence? I think not. I think God wants us to contextualize our message for the sake of spiritual impact.
Andy Stanley once said that when we talk to people eventually the Holy Spirit working on the outside with them and the inside with us, that the path and topic may eventually cross to talk about the spiritual stuff.
There are four in our family; well, seven if you count Rocky, Mittens, and Coba. But here's the thing, each of us have a different take on the same event. If we all went to the same party, I would be hanging with the wine and foodies, the kids with their peers at the pool and Playstation. Janet would be making a mental note of everything and everyone.
With Jesus as our example how did he meet and greet?
When he encountered the woman at the well, he began his conversation with the topic of water. When he encountered the fisherman Peter, his starting point was fishing. When the tax collector invited Jesus to his house, the issue of money opened the dialogue. Jesus clearly developed his presentation of God’s saving message in light of the context and background of his listeners. The apostle Paul shared Christ’s commitment to this approach, writing that he became “all things to all men so that by all possible means some may be saved” (1 Cor. 9:22) Coincidence? I think not. I think God wants us to contextualize our message for the sake of spiritual impact.
Andy Stanley once said that when we talk to people eventually the Holy Spirit working on the outside with them and the inside with us, that the path and topic may eventually cross to talk about the spiritual stuff.
Missing Person
So this morning, I got up made coffee, went outside to watch the sun rise, pray for the family, and set my day's rudder. It's going to be a warm humid one so I set out to mow the lawn early while the dew was still on each blade. I put on Pandora and was mowing to the music when some lyrics by Micheal W Smith hit me.
...Guarded and cynical now, can't help but wondering how, my heart evolved into the rock beating inside of me? So I reel such a stoic ordeal; where's that feeling that I don't feel? There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain, and like a child he would believe without a reason...Without a trace he disappeared into the void and, I've been searching for that missing person.
Who dimmed that glowing light that once burned so bright in me? Is this a radical stage, a problematical age that keeps me running from all that I used to be? Is there a way to return, is there a way to unlearn that carnal knowledge that's chipping away at my soul? Have I been gone too long, will I ever find my way home?
He used to want to walk the straight and narrow, he had a fire and he could feel it in his marrow. It's been a long time and I haven't seen him lately though I've been searching for that missing person...
...Guarded and cynical now, can't help but wondering how, my heart evolved into the rock beating inside of me? So I reel such a stoic ordeal; where's that feeling that I don't feel? There was a boy who had the faith to move a mountain, and like a child he would believe without a reason...Without a trace he disappeared into the void and, I've been searching for that missing person.
Who dimmed that glowing light that once burned so bright in me? Is this a radical stage, a problematical age that keeps me running from all that I used to be? Is there a way to return, is there a way to unlearn that carnal knowledge that's chipping away at my soul? Have I been gone too long, will I ever find my way home?
He used to want to walk the straight and narrow, he had a fire and he could feel it in his marrow. It's been a long time and I haven't seen him lately though I've been searching for that missing person...
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